i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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