Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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