Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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