they said they heard you say put it in my butt
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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