trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
