I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
