apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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