plz talk dirty to me
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
