how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
