I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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