I wish I could teleport
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
