Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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