I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
the liver wants what the liver wants
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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