i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
