im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
