So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
