I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
