you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
