I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
How external is "for external use only"?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He shit in the fireplace
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
