You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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