If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
