My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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