Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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