i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
