THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Houston, we have a blender
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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