We named our party play list daddy issues
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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