Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
