I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
it glows. i had to have it.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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