better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
