Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
