never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
