Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
