Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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