I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
the day after is always just damage control
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
