oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
