it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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