every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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