He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
