I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
