Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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