What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
