I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
