took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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