I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
