ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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