...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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