just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
