Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
