youre lurking in front of me
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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