this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
