I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
