A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
