I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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