I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
