HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
