awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
