Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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