Your face is a jimmy john
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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