i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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