The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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