She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
