I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
