ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize