STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
