hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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