And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
