Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
