waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
