I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
3 2 1 whiskey
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize