Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
