sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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