Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
