i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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