1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
