Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
